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Barry Black became indignant.
"No, not again. That was a different Barry Black. I'm the new Barry Black, out
to unseat the incumbents. I'm determined to reclaim the country, and reinvent
the system. And the first thing I'm doing is to absolutely refuse any campaign
contribution larger than a hundred dollars."
Coming from a man who had raised millions as California's Democratic Party
Chairman, this was akin to Donald Trump offering to spend a night in a holding
cell rather than squander a cent bailing himself out of jail.
The Barry Black for President campaign was mercifully short. After six months
of stumping and speech-giving, and railing against everything from incumbency
to what he called the "medical-industrial complex," he had raised a grand
total of three thousand, two hundred and twelve dollars and six cents. One of
which was Canadian.
"Not even enough to cover our phone bills," sobbed his most trusted advisor,
now campaign manager.
"The trouble with you is you have no vision," Barry Black accused.
"The trouble with you is you have no brains. I quit!" said the campaign
manager, slamming the door behind him.
That slamming door also closed out his ill-fated campaign. Without a campaign
manager, Barry Black, Junior was reduced to doing his own laundry. The burden
proved too much.
He was forced to pull out of the Presidential campaign early in the primaries.
Back in his Pacific Park home overlooking San Francisco Bay, he once again
took stock of his political future.
"Ommmmm. Ommmmm," he moaned, attempting to meditate.
It was in the middle of his mantra that the bulletin broke over the New Age
mandolin music wafting from a table radio:
"The Governor's office has just announced that the governor and his lieutenant
governor have both perished in an airliner crash. Further details when they
become available."
Barry Black, Junior snapped his beady eyes open.
"It was a dream. I dreamed that, didn't I?" he asked the emptiness.
Flinging himself to the radio, he roved all over the dial until he had heard
three variations of the same bulletin.
Barry Black, Junior took the next shuttle to Sacramento, to put in a surprise
appearance at the double state funeral.
At the grave site, as the first clods of dirt clumped onto the side-by-side
coffins, Barry Black, Junior worked the bereaved with an appropriately solemn
expression on his chipmunk face.
"I share your loss," he told the first weeping widow quietly. "I hope you'll
vote for me in the special election. I share your loss," he told the second
weeping widow. "I hope you'll consider me worthy of your vote in your time of
grief."
The funeral had been a model of decorum until then. After Barry Black, Junior
had finished offering his condolences to the immediate families, sobbing broke
out.
Word rippled through the crowd. The press, catching word, descended upon Barry
Black, Junior, quickly surrounding him.
"This is unseemly!" Barry Black said indignantly. "This is a state funeral, a
morose occasion!"
"What's this we hear about you declaring your intention to run in the special
election?" he was asked.
"Special election? You mean they're planning a special election?" Barry Black
said blankly. It's true I have been considering a reentry into local affairs,
but I have made no determinations at this time."
"Do you think California is ready for Barry Black in the corner office
again?"
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"The old Barry Black, no."
"Which old Barry Black is that? The old Barry Black who was party chairman, or
the old, old Barry Black who was governor?"
"I am neither of those Barry Blacks," Barry Black said firmly. "I am a whole
new Barry Black. Think of it as a political reincarnation."
A cynical voice spoke up.
"How do you define the new improved Barry Black?"
"I define him," Barry Black, Junior said, to the jawdropping astonishment of
the assembled press, "as a dyed-in-the-wool Republican."
Upon hearing the announcement, the California Republican Party chairman said,
"We disown the flake." [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]

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